Most of us know that it is important to transmit love and caring to both girls and boys. No one who has come to my office has complained about how much his family and friends love him.
But sometimes, especially when the little ones are growing up, a love you does not reach 100% of our intentions. We want our children to feel fully what they are worth and feel good about themselves. The message we want to convey is: Know Your Value!
While researching challenging behavior in children and adolescents, an issue unfortunately common in homes and schools today, I came across this simple phrase from psychologist and writer Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein. We are used to celebrating children's successes: the goals they score, the good grades, a good dance performance.But even though these small achievements are important to them, they will not in themselves generate a sense of value in our children. What about the non-door shots or the math test that went so wrong? How do we teach them to value themselves, particularly in those hard times in life?
Your children's self-esteem, a complex whole
The importance of self-esteem is not based on feeling good about myself and knowing that others also love me. Is a complex set of reasoning skills and internal dialogue that maintains that feeling of well-being in the long term, guiding us towards our goals even in difficult times. Parents are the closest role model and for this reason it is crucial that they facilitate the learning of these skills. And I say facilitate because it is not possible to simply give self-esteem, you have to teach how to develop it through verbal and non-verbal messages.
Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein then shares a message that I have translated and that each one can adapt to his liking to give it to his loved ones:
As you grow day by day, my wish is that you train yourself to Know Your Value (CTV). CTV are positive mental exercises for you to do yourself. Make a list of various ways you value yourself. Be completely honest and don't hesitate to credit yourself when you do the CTV exercises. These exercises search within your soul and allow you to accept the great qualities that are part of who you are and of the dreams that you will soon live. These are not exercises in arrogance, rather they are exercises in how to love ourselves, which is an important step in knowing your worth. It takes mental courage to accept goodness in yourself especially when we live in a world around us with negativity if we leave him.
You are extraordinary, kind, compassionate, profound, responsible, imaginative, loyal, funny, beautiful, handsome, emphatic, wise, full of integrity and courageous. You have great dreams that you will achieve because you work hard, you are determined, capable and you are incredibly committed.
Life will take you on many paths. Some people may be like you and live with moral values similar to yours, while others may not. If they don't, they may try to influence you to compromise your values. In those moments, CTV will help you deal with them, allowing you to expose your true beliefs and make wise choices even when it involves facing rejection or being teased. On the other hand, CTV will also help you to have the confidence to recover after admitting your mistakes and apologize when necessary.
CTV is your armor against social pressure and can serve as a guide for good judgment. Stay in good mental and moral state practicing your CTV exercises. Always know your value!
Source: Psychology Today
Image: Flickr, Flickr